Monday, April 23, 2007

To Make You Smile

My friend Lynn sent me this in an email and I just had to share it with you all...hope you laugh as much as I did.

  • Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
  • One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5lbs.
  • My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
  • The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
  • The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.
  • The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
  • Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
  • I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.
  • Every 7 minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
  • Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
  • Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like..."You know, sometimes I forget to eat!" .....Now... I've forgotten my address, my mothers’ maiden name and my keys. But I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
  • A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
  • My body is not all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said "Body, how would you like to go to the six o'clock class of vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said "Listen witch.....do it and die."
  • The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
  • I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much; impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

3 comments:

Sally said...

I love Jacqui! It gave me a much needed giggle!

Annemarie said...

Your Autumn Fairy is still a beauty. The colours are stunning and... well, autumnal, I guess. My fave kind of colour.
Funny post, this. Although I must admit I get the 'forget to eat' part. Silly me.

Heather said...

PMSL Jacqui, that is just brilliant.